The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
