i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
