Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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