20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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