she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
