if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
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