you guys were way drunker than both of me
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
