he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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