Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
