whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
