i will never coherently bang her
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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