Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
