Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Barsexuality is the new black.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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