I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
