It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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