will power is for people who don't want to get laid
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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