just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
