hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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