i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
