you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
