We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
