I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
