you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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