I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
