I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
