How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I just found a bag of teeth...
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
