just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
