Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
