I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
