I could have mohawked her pubes.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
