I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
