we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Randomize
