are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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