If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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