I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
