i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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