just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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