My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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