shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
