ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
