he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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