so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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