I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
