But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
