It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
