I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Randomize
