I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
