did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
