I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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