they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
