If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
