yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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