saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
