did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
