WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
